Day of Venting!

Technically, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. (It is almost 2 am here and since I haven't gone to bed yet, it still feels like Tuesday to me. LOL) I know I already posted my reasons I am thankful. And yeah, I am thankful. But tonight, the pain in my leg is up and my mood has dropped with the pain. Tonight I am feeling the fears and insecurities that come with pain.

My husband who has been doing so well helping me is back to dropping hints of being single and why marrying me has been a hardship to him. He has looked for a reason to quit the security job for a while and now that he has it's my fault he isn't getting that extra income. I am so tired of being the reason his life is so bad. (Or so he keeps saying.)

On top of it all, I think my family in Georgia is mad at me for some reason. Not one of them has called to see how I was after my accident. I didn't fall on purpose. I sure as heck didn't want a broken bone. And even more, I didn't want to have this happen in the middle of my Mom's move. I didn't want to let her down and even more, didn't want my brother and his wife to have to step up and do all of what I do for her. But all I hear from them is to grow up and be an adult when I needed help and was in pain and crying because I was afraid. Excuse me, I am not a stone cold fish. I do have an emotional nature and a natural response to excessive pain.

So why do I feel guilty for being human? Why do I feel like I am letting everyone down and they are holding it against me? No... I am not on pain killers. I am allergic to so many that the doctor wouldn't prescribe anything. So I am on Arthritis Strength Tylenol and nothing else. I am staying off my leg as much as possible, I am keeping it elevated and following doctors orders.

Maybe it is just because Saturday is my 52nd Birthday. Mom talks to me about it on the phone but other than her, I haven't gotten one birthday card in the mail. Or at least, Richard hasn't gotten the mail since Saturday, so I don't think I have one. Since I can't get to the Mailbox myself, I don't know. But it is depressing to think none of my immediate family has remembered. I got 6 birthday emails from restaurants with their birthday specials. But none from my family. The only person who has remembered / said anything is my half sister in TN. And for that, I am truly greatful.

Today I am feeling low. Normally I wouldn't blog this, but a blog is a journal. The difference is, it's a journal everyone else sees. But it is still a journal. And journals are where you write not just the good things, but your fears and bad days also. So today is a bad day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.